110+ Best Golf Jokes To Keep You Laughing All

So, I had my first golf lesson the other day, and let me tell you, my swing best be defined as questionable, at best. I mean, I thought I was playing a round of golf, but it turns out I was just playing a game of Where’s Waldo with my golf ball. I’ve never played golf before, and let’s just say, keeping your head in the game is a lot easier said than done when you’re out on the golf course.

I mean, I’ve seen better aim from a blindfolded toddler with a water gun. And don’t even get me started on the hazards on the golf course sand traps, water hazards, unexpected wildlife it’s like the golf gods are conspiring against me. But hey, at least I can always count on a good golf jokes to keep me laughing through another embarrassing round of golf. 

So put away your clubs for a bit and get ready to have some fun. Whether you’re looking to entertain your regular foursome or liven up a boring tournament, these golf jokes are sure to be a hole-in-one.

Lighthearted Golf Jokes

• Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they make a hole in one!
• Did you hear about the golfer who gave up the game to become a crossing guard? He decided it was better to just curse at cars than balls. 
• How is golf like an ill-fated ship? They both end up in the water hazard eventually.
• What do you call a golfer with no eyes? A no I-deer.
• My insurance company offered a unique discount for hitting a hole-in-one. But sadly, fore-tunate events don’t happen too often!
• They say golf scored backwards is “Flog.” That makes sense, as my game often feels like I’m getting flogged!

Funny Golf Terminology Jokes

• What do you call a tiny golf course in Scotland? A wee links course! 
• Did you hear about the new players-only golf course? It doesn’t allow mulligans. 
• I was thrilled when my husband said he got us on the most exclusive course in town. Turns out it was Mini-Golf Club 33.  
• Why can’t you borrow money to play golf? Because it’s against club rules!
• What do you call a drunken group causing mayhem on the course? Cocktail foursome.
• I tried to come up with a golf pun about sand traps, but decided to just bunker down and focus. 

Jokes About Golf and Old Age

An 80-year old golfer comes to the 16th hole, a par 3, and hits his ball into the woods. He finds his ball next to a shack with a witch standing guard. “I’ll grant you one wish if you can hit your ball out of here,” she says. The old golfer thinks hard and says, “I wish my swing was perfect.” POOF he hits the ball perfectly back onto the green. The witch says “What’s so perfect about that?” The old golfer replies “That was with my old ball!”

• What do you call an old golfer who keeps swinging and missing? A senior mister! 
• Why does an older golfer have an extra pair of pants in his bag? In case he makes a hole-in-one!  
• Did you hear about the senior golfer who had his left hip replaced? Now when he wiggles his toes, his leg goes in and out! 
• I asked my 75-year old golf buddy why he still marks his ball with pennies. He said when he started playing, balls were just a nickel!
• What’s the hardest part about playing golf at age 90? Remembering which course you’re supposed to be at!

Funny Golf Cart Jokes

• Why was the golfer terrified when he lost control of his cart? He was driven to panic. 
• Did you hear about the fight that broke out on the golf cart path? It was a driving altercation.  
• Why did the golf cart owner switch to smaller tires? He wanted some new short game wheels!
• How do you fix a broken golf cart motor? With a cart-diologist, of course!  
• What do you call a golf cart that ran out of battery? A tired cart.   
• Don’t ever try putting air into your own golf cart tires. It’s much easier to have the caddies fill them up for you.

Golf and Love Life Jokes  

• What’s the similarity between golf and making love? They both start with a good lay (up).
• My wife threatened to leave me if I didn’t quit golf. I sure am going to miss her!  
• I recently took up golf lessons to try to impress women. But it turns out my golf game is about as strong as my last relationship!
• Why will a golf membership save your marriage? It’ll keep you from spending weekends with your mistress.
• Did you hear about the lover’s quarrel on the golf course? Their tee times got mixed up.  
• I was thrilled when my wife said we should spend more time together. Then she handed me my golf clubs.

Humorous Golf Pros Jokes

• Why did the golf pro have to leave the course in an ambulance? All the drone shots inflated his ego so much, he could barely walk!  
• Did you hear about the obnoxious golf pro who got humbled? He recorded his swing to study and improve. But the playback was a slice of humble pie!   
• Why do golf pros eat so many eggs? They go through a lot of tournament pairings.
• What do you call a golf pro who lost his endorsement deals? An unemployed caddie.  
• Why do golf pros stay focused when they stand over the ball? To avoid distractions that could cause of divot-ed attention.   
• What do golf pros use when they run out of balls? Their provisionals, of course!  

Funny Golf Cheating Jokes

• Did you hear about the golfer who always carried an extra ball in his pocket when playing with friends? His scores were average, but he got a lot of hole-in-ones!   
• Why do golfers make bad lovers? They always try to improve their lie.
• What is the gap between a golfer and a skydiver?  A golfer goes *whack* “Darn!” A skydiver goes “Darn!” *whack.*
• Did you hear about the golfer who threw his clubs in the lake? He lost his temper and couldn’t find the water hazard.    
• Why was the amateur golfer with a new putting green so happy? He was really getting a kick out of his new range. 

Humorous Caddie Jokes

• Why was the caddie fired from his job? He kept forgetting to yell “get in the hole!” after shots.   
• What did one caddie say to the other? Man this bag is getting heavy—I think there’s 20 pounds of illegal clubs in here!
• Why do caddies hate raking sand traps? It gets them down in the roughs.  
• Did you hear about the lazy caddie who got fired? He kept asking players to help read the greens. 
• Why was the caddie so confused when his player shouted fore? Because the group ahead was a threesome.  
• How do you motivate a lazy caddie to hustle on the course? Offer them double bogey pay.

Laugh-Out-Loud Golf Spectator Jokes

• Why aren’t whispers allowed at golf tournaments? There’s no spectators laughing out loud. 
• Did you hear about the spectator who drank too much at the tournament? He was getting tee-totally loaded. 
• Why aren’t dogs allowed as spectators on the course? Because they can’t help barking when players tee off!
• What’s the only drink allowed while spectating a tournament? Anything non-alcoholic so fans avoid disorderly golf claps conduct.  
• Why did the tournament spectators have a weird Dasani obsession? They kept screaming “Get in the water! Get in the water!” after shots. 
• How do golf fans sneak spirits into dry tournaments? Inside their courtesy clapping gloves, of course!

Chuckle-Worthy Women’s Golf Jokes

• What’s the difference between a male and female golfer? A man will stop and ask for directions—a woman would never golf lost!    
• Did you hear about the women’s tournament that got postponed? The course was experiencing unplayable lies in the rough areas.  
• Why don’t women ever get hole-in-ones? Because men would have to admit women are better at something!   
• What do you call a women’s golf league full of angry quitters? A chip and run association.  
• How are the odds of an amateur woman making the LPGA Tour calculated? Divide her qualifying score by her husband’s handicap!    
• What’s the hardest part of planning a women’s golf retreat? Find a resort that offers enough spa treatments between rounds!

Golf Jokes About Playing Bad Rounds

• What do you call a par 5 hole that totally massacred a golfer? A killing tee.  
• Why was the awful golfer bleeding and bruised after his round? The rough beaten him up, the sand had assaulted him, and don’t even ask about the water hazard!  
• What do you call a golfer who keeps hitting shots in the woods? El Stupido Fuego. 
• Why was the terrible golfer limping back to his cart after 18 holes? He had a triple fracture.

FAQs

Best golf jokes of all time?

Some of the best and most well-known golf jokes of all time include:

• Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they make a hole in one!
• What do you call a golfer with no eyes? A no I-deer.
• Why does a golfer bring an extra pair of socks when he plays? In case he makes a hole in one!

These classic one-liners poke fun at the game’s terminology and the idea of scoring a hole-in-one. Other all-time great golf jokes trade in stereotypes about golfers being rich but terrible drivers.

Best golf jokes dirty?

Most dirty golf jokes rely on vulgar double meanings or stereotypes about golfers chasing around promiscuous women. Some popular dirty golf jokes include:

• What are the distinctions between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes whack “Darn!” A skydiver goes “Darn!” whack.
• What’s the difference between a husband golfer and a single golfer? When the husband golfer hits a bad shot he can’t blame it on his wife!
• What wood isn’t used in many golf clubs anymore? His wife’s driver wood, if you know what I mean.

Of course, overly offensive adult humor about golf often relies more on crudeness than cleverness. Telling such jokes requires knowing your audience.

VW Golf jokes?

There aren’t too many jokes specifically about the Volkswagen Golf. A few humorous punchlines playing off the name include:

• Why don’t Volkswagens like playing golf? They hate getting tee’d off!
• What do you call a Golf that breaks down on the course? A triple-bogey!
• How is golf like a VW owner? They both yell “fore” a lot!

Overall, the VW Golf itself doesn’t have much natural comedy material, though jokes could riff on stereotypes of hatchback owners.